The Long Beach post stirred some shit up. Not serious shit, but good, thought-provoking, rational-adult-conversations type shit. The good kind of shit.
I don’t know why I’m saying ‘shit’ so much.
verbal keyboard-vomitted my feelings of disappointment regarding my 4+min PR but missed A Goal, there was a good mix of,
“I can’t believe you’re upset about the race – Don’t be a dick, celebrate that massive PR!”
“I get it. You knew you had a better race in you but the cards just didn’t play out. Use it to fuel the next one, champ.”
I’m very grateful y’all are comfortable enough to put your honest opinions out there and tell me how you really feel. Truly. There are valid points from both camps if you look at them subjectively, which I always try to do, despite my title as the most bull-headed person in the universe.
I loved how Caroline (one of my NuunHTC teammates) put it :
‘it’s like asking ‘do you prefer to make $10 or $15 hour?’ Sure $15, but isn’t it ok to want $25 if that’s what you think you’re worth??’ [paraphrased]
Ok when you put it that way maybe it sounds a bit greedy. But face it, as runners WE ARE GREEDY. We always want more; that’s the beauty and the curse of the sport. There’s always going to be that voice saying, “you can do a little bit more. you can be a little bit better. try again.”
Naturally we want to be the best we can be, and I knew Sunday morning I was not. Achy leg, terrible training week, head in a million places. But given those circumstances, I DID come away better than I thought I would, and I DO have a nice new PR to show for it.
still really proud of that
But looking back to the girl 10 days ago – healthy, confident, and drawing up a scary-yet-achievable race plan – it kills me THAT GIRL wasn’t able to run. She was ready, and her 100% was undoubtedly more than what I was able to put out there Sunday.
Would I have found some other flaw in my race to be upset about – probably. It’s that never satisfied, perfectionist trait we all have. You’re dead as a runner (person?) if you’re not constantly seeking room for improvement.
But having a “flaw” in the plan even before you start is a frustrating feeling.
Say you spent hours and hours baking & decorating a birthday cake – it’s impressive and you’re so proud of it – and just before the party you bump your elbow into it and totally mess it up. Sure it still tastes great, but it sucks presenting a flawed product when you put so much time into perfecting it and knew its potential.
So that’s how I feel. Long Beach is my smudged cake. Still delicious and mostly pretty, but next time I’ll be sure keep my [proverbial] elbows out of the way.