The Measurement Tool (+) / Comparison Trap (-)

Confession : I have a new vice. Reading last year’s training log.

eug12ss

you could stage a hostage situation with my master gdoc and I’d crumble and cave to your every demand, promise

I spent my entire lunch break yesterday pouring over cells and cells of run data. 15 months-worth ; 10 and 16 week marathon cycles, Hood to Coast hill training, and this year’s Half progress. Endless numbers and workouts and “oops probably should’ve gone to yoga more”.

This is good and bad. For many – some overlapping, some just crazy – reasons:

  1. it’s gratifying to see the progress I HAVE made
  2. it’s destructive because damnit I was in much better shape last year
  3. it’s motivating because I know what kind of shape I CAN get back into, and that I’m on the path to getting there

See, I promised myself this cycle I wouldn’t fall into the comparison trap – to other people or to the runner I once was. A lot has happened since then, and I really wanted to focus on coming back through the joy of running and enjoyment of the process. Being hard on myself (in a deconstructive way – I still subscribe to the Jillian Michaels Method of motivation) because this year’s times are all slower than last year’s is not the best way to foster an enjoyable cycle.

But as I looked at all those fast times of the past, I felt a fire re-light inside me – one driving me to WANT to work hard, to get faster and be better. Knowing what I was capable of then, and the potential beyond that, is hugely motivating to me.

And as I looked closely – comparing rest times, reps, workouts before/after – I found some silver linings. On the surface the times are different – drastically, even. But yesterday’s workout has more to say than its splits.

The Defender April 3, 2012 – 6×800, 2min rest

3:06, 3:05, 3:07, 3:06, 3:06, 2:58

The Contender April 9, 2013 – 8×800, 90sec rest

3:21 3:17 3:18 3:16 3:16 3:15 3:15 3:15

The desperate convincing “your legs will shake out/warm up/smooth out!” was bullshit – every single one of these 800s felt heavy and slow and HARD. But with four moderate-hard days already taxing and the (accidental) shorter rest it’s a miracle I churned out the consistent splits I did.

Not to mention that my head was in a place to let me.

kinvara3

new shoes always help – upgraded my old 2′s to the Kinvara 3

I’ve gotten away from the detailed workout recaps this cycle, because I thought it boring and also because I was embarrassed of my work (dumb). But someday I’m going to feel helpless and stuck in a rut again, and will need reminded to look either past the numbers or deeper into them. Did Enron not teach us nothing? A little creativity and you can make any data set positive.

I have no idea what this means for Eugene. I’m feeling very hippie “go with the flow” about it, actually. We’ll see how the next two weeks go and how I recover from Ragnar – and if nothing else just hope that Eugene Magic carries me through…

Sarah OUaL

* speaking of Eugene, I’m blowing the dust off those files and plan to have a pre-cap up on what I remember from the race last year. just for all you taperwormed crazies I’ll see in a few short weeks…

The Many Faces of OUaL Running

I don’t like apologizing for not posting, because I think it’s kind of vain to think anyone really noticed and also y’all probably breathe a sigh of relief every morning your reader/bloglovin/feedly/etc doesn’t show “ONE MILLION unread posts”.

ftr (for the record), I moved to bloglovin and indeed, am lovin it.

This Eugene Half training cycle has been less than stellar, and well-documented as such.

BARF you all just threw up because you’re so sick of hearing about my pity run stories and womp womp doomy gloomy all the time barf barf BARF.

Well guess what? No more! At least, not today. We’ll tip probably like, 45% gloomy and 55% annoying endorphin high.

Last night was a heavy tip towards the latter.

After shoveling way too much food in my dinner hole I set out for an easy 6 miles, and from the first step I felt great, despite dinner still sitting precariously high in my esophagus. Within a mile I decided to just run until I felt like stopping. At the 2.5mi dead-end I knew I wanted more than 6, and once I hit the second stretch of out-and-back I decided to just go big and make it 10. My long runs have been a weakness, so having an impromptu, STRONG double digit weekday run was a huge ego boost. My legs and head were finally on the same page, I didn’t have a watch telling me I was “too slow” or scaring me the pace was “too fast”, and the quiet night air kept Fun Sarah’s thoughts clear and uninterrupted.

STAY FOREVER, FUN SARAH!

Please. I’m begging you.

Anyway, I got to thinking about all the different “Sarahs” that show up for runs. Last night’s was a rare visitor obviously, but there are a few regular characters lacing up the Brooks each day.

Conveniently I was looking for something to do with the inordinate amount of dog pictures on my phone, so here are Chico and Frankie to personify the Many Moods of Runner Sarah :

morning

noooo not going. maybe K will sleep in…”

[texts kristina:] ‘you up??’ ‘yeah’ ‘…damnit.’

track pre

track during

track after

(before) “UGH do NOT want to drive to the track. long day at work. wah wah.

(during) “cmon, Margot! how many more? a little faster!

(after) “I LOVE __(whatever the workout was)__!!

hills

 ”all the way up? more than once??” [pees pants]

late night

just stay here. it’s dark and cold out there. your dinner should settle. a beer would be lovely – ohhh New Girl is on!” [waits until 8:30 and finally drags ass out door and wonders time and time again why it's impossible to fall asleep before midnight]

long run

i’ll drag your sorry ass through the rest of this run if it’s the last thing i do…”

Happy Friday! Ali if you’re reading and not immediately X’ing out of anything running-related I hope the cute dog pictures made your chrons feel better for a bit.

Sarah OUaL

* this post is dedicated to Momma OUaL because she’s all dog crazy and missing her grand-dogs. they miss you too, mom. *

Head Straight, Legs… sort of

My brain is playing games on me. Right when I get out of my head and start running on feel and for ‘fun’, it smacks me with a cold case of “you can’t do this without me (mwuwahahahahaah)” .

So much easier to run without thinking.

I’ve had chronic issues with tight calves (the anarchist in me blames transitioning from heel to midfoot striking) but can usually manage them with regular downdogs and easy stretching. Which I HAVE been doing. Swear.

However the last two weeks they’ve been getting progressively tighter and yesterday my reinstated brain admitted they were outside the realm of “normal”. After a hill workout and fast track sesh this week, I spent all of yesterday massaging, stick’ing, and Compex’ing to get blood moving through there, but finally decided running hard this weekend wasn’t in the cards.

photo 2

ps COMP20 is good for 20% off at Compex through 3/31

5k

I actually was really looking forward to 5k painface

Which is a bummer because I was registered to run the same 5k course I ran two weeks ago this morning. I figured with trying not to measure my current self to my old (sub20 attempting) self, it’d be good to have a progress report come within THIS cycle. Chase down route PRs instead of PR-PRs.

Grasping at straws here, please stay with me.

As much as I wanted validation of improvement, chancing this flare up morphing into something serious at the hands of Hills McGee would NOT be worth it. Not now that I’m gaining momentum in training and race season is on the horizon. So I bagged the 5k and opted for an easy (FLAT) 10 miler that I actually really enjoyed. Pain-free.

(I’m taking comfort in the fact that at least my registration $$ went to the university T&F team and not some race director’s pocket)

Speaking of race season, I made some plans…

ragsc

I CAN’T QUIT YOU, RAGNAR.

Yes, the weekend before Eugene. No worries though, this is not race-sabotage ultra relay’ing. I weaseled my way onto a 12-man team and then weaseled my way into one of the easiest legs (runner 1) – three nice, flat, ~5mi each slap bracelet fun runs.

AND I get to lead off. Holla!

Looking forward to van time with some old friends and making new ones – and wearing that sexy reflective vest. Man I freaking love relays.

[the OUaL-pedia on Relay’ing]

Anyway I’ll continue my calf TLC’ing and know this isn’t anything major – I’m not even calling it a setback. Actually it’s such not a big deal I don’t even know why I wrote a whole post about it. My head’s on straight, my legs are tight, and I’ve got a big white van waiting for me in a few weeks. That’s all.

Starting a roll call – who’s running Ragnar SoCal? Eugene?

Sarah OUaL

Anyone Wanna Go Crowd Surfing?

In an effort to be more hippie in-tune-on-the-run and save some cash (iTunes highway robbery) I’ve been running without music a lot the last few months. I like it more than I thought I would, but sometimes you just need to trade you thoughts for a hot beat and air-guitar through a tempo.

Know what I mean?

I decided this whole turn-around-the-run-tude thing I’ve got going on this week needed some melodical company and pulled out the old ipod shuffle. Whiiiiiich hasn’t been updated since, October? Stale, over-played songs might be worse than “what’s for dinner?   what’re we doing this weekend? what am I doing FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE OMG QUARTER LIFE CRISIS”

I would actually prefer to stress about my 10 year plan than hear David Guetta ONE. MORE. FREAKING. TIME.

Instead of lugging my phone around for Pandora, I plugged into the home laptop and its archaic, Bri-managed iTunes library. The guy could go the rest of his life hearing only music by Metallica, Zach Brown, and DMB and be perfectly content. Luckily there were a few old college-house-party mixes in there and apparently some Guitar Hero-inspired downloads which surprisingly, I L-O-V-E-D running to.

wires

Mixing it up here and there – everyone loves a good throwback, right? Here were some of my favorites in case you’re in the market for a new-old refresh:

 

Barenaked Ladies - Brian Wilson

I feel like this would be a perfect approaching-the-final-mile song. It starts out subtle but sucks you in with the lyrics and that dang Canadian accent, and then… insta-headbob. Strong beat, catchy chorus, enough variation to keep you interested but still dialed into the rhythm. You know you’re going to finish, it’s just a matter of how strong. The beat builds, louder and faster, your cadence follows and then you finish and head straight home to pull out your orange cargo shorts and book a trip to Canadia.

Bad Religion – Infected

Totally guilty air guitarring to this last night. May or may not have come home and begged Brian to hook up the Playstation for a Guitar Hero concert.

Crossfade – So Far Away

Man, this album was MY JAM in college. I wore the shit out of that cd. Laur and I met them after a concert (I went through a very alternative phase – warped tour, grunge parties, the works) and they asked if we were sisters. We figured they’d invite us on tour with them but I went back to Corntown and never got the call, so…

Green Day – Chump

Everyone loves a little Dookie.

Staind – Right Here

A little slower tempo, but I dig the lyrics. I’m more likely to get wrapped up in the words than the beat, so my playlists are always littered with slower non-traditional workout songs like this.

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers – American Girl

Classic. That’s all.

Buckcherry – So Far

Brian and I saw Buckcherry (after graduating from the alt-phase) because I liked that Crazy Bitch song and a friend worked at the venue they played at. I’m not super sheltered or naive but hot damn some of that stuff you can’t un-see.

Matchbox Twenty – How Far We’ve Come

Another irresistible head-bobber. Even though Rob Thomas bugs me for some indiscernible reason.

* * * * *

So there ya go. The playlist that turned my “easy 6 miler” into an 8:01/avg with a 7:20 final mile. No, I don’t know where it came from, I’m not asking any questions, and thanking the Run Gods for cashing in some good karma I must’ve had sitting around somewhere.

Oh, and in case you didn’t know - jog.fm has a whole database listed by bpm, and you can search based on your target pace to find songs that match that cadence. Pretttttttty cool.

Speedy thoughts to anyone racing and strong mental juju to everyone gutting out weekend long runs. Especially y’all back east suffering through Winter Overtime. Feel free to come visit.

Sarah OUaL

post-script : still weighing through the comment disabling thing – thanks to everyone who chimed in, both for and against. either way it made for a good discussion, which is kind of ironic now that I think about it…

Found Her!

WARNING: this has potential to be lengthy and pretty emo. TBD how much gets edited, likely indirectly proportional to the # of IPAs (NOT green) consumed during drafting.

; – ; update : two, a nap, and a burned dinner. not sure what that means for edits…

* * * * * * * * * * *

In a desperate attempt to find MIA Competitor Sarah and salvage the next 6 weeks of Eugene training, I signed up for a 5k hoping the adrenaline rush of 20+ minutes of pain and the wonderful “omg I’m going to puke and/or shit my pants” would kick my ass back into racing gear.

Unfortunately, it just kind of scared the shit out of me all week.

I went out for a 3mi tempo run, and desperately tried to ignore how hard the 7:33 average pace was to hold, what that translated to for 5k times (a personal worst by a decent margin), and how painful Sunday was going to be. Cool down was entirely spent convincing myself a race atmosphere would shave some time and also I’m not trying to make a living by running so who the fuck cares if I do PW?

(other than my ego)

But on Thursday at the track, struggling through mile repeats at a pace I could only focus on was slower than my 5k PR pace, I spiraled into a MAJOR meltdown.

I 100% admit to being a Headcase Runner, but hard workouts and sweat have always been a release and outlet for me. After a rough day at work/home/life, nothing clears my head and resets me like a chest-pounding hard run – when the release of the physical pain takes all the mental stress with it and you finish completely empty.

But slowly I’d let my own self-induced stress take that outlet away, just when I needed it most. Running was just another drop in the rapidly-filling stress bucket, and with nowhere left for the pain to come out it flooded lane 7 and Margot’s shoulder when I pulled out 400m into mile repeat three of four.

I guess nobody was lying when they said it doesn’t pay to keep everything bottled up all the time.

A bevy of non-running problems I didn’t realize were weighing so heavily on my spilled out as I word-vommitted all over Margot during our premature cool down. I felt lighter with every step, and once I composed my tragic self we moved the conversation back to where it (sort of) began :

What did I want to run this weekend?

I held true to my no-time-goal plan, mostly for fear of what a hard pass/fail would do to my fragile ego if I missed the mark. I said I wanted to find my fighter, feel the rush of the race, and cross the finish feeling like I gave it all I had on THAT day.

And truthfully, I can 100% say I did that today.

conc1

the face of hard work, goal-hitting, and probably childbirth.

The course was tough and my legs weren’t fresh, but I ran strong, didn’t give in when it got hard, and even mustered enough of a kick to pick off a few people near the end including one up the WTF IS THIS GIANT HILL AT THE FINISH??!!

concelev

50ft over .2 miles does in fact feel like a mountain at the end of a 5k

conc

concordia university 5k

conc3

paul! nice to meet you – you’re in my picture!

concfinish

channeled Track Party Sarah to pass those two ladies on the curve with 150m to go. they’re 20 years older than me but don’t bother trying to suck that wind from my sail because an 11 and 14 year old beat me. yup.

Concordia University 5k, 3.17.1322:41

I’m really proud of sticking to my race plan and not getting sucked into other pressures on the course. I didn’t look at Garmin, focused on powering up the hills and running good tangents (hello 100 turns), and put targets on backs towards the end. While I don’t love posting a subpar (for me) time, there were more important tasks at hand today, and I accomplished them. My willingness to get to – and stay in – the pain place is returning, mojo is bubbling, and excitement for running/racing is building at a rapid rate.

As we drove home and I reflected on the morning (I know that sounds kind of hooky for me) I tried to pinpoint where all the pressure in running was coming from :

; * Was it internal – comparing to other people, to my past self, to what I felt I SHOULD be capable of? Am I tough on myself in a genuine trying-to-get-better way, or a bullying way?

; * Or was it external – the pressure to report success, openly putting myself and my running out for critique, feeling pressure to uphold a certain stature as a “role model”? (I realize these are all self-inflicted and could be eliminated by not sharing my life with the internet, but that’s not a solution I’m interested in entertaining right now)

I settled on all of the above, but that my main issue is that I take myself TOO FUCKING SERIOUSLY. IT’S RUNNING, SARAH! Just running! It’s not your living, it’s a hobby. You do it for fun, and it should be as such. Your friends will still like you if you don’t PR every race. Nobody’s going to look down on you if you cut a run short or admit you HATE mile repeats. The world will continue to spin if you don’t share every detail of your training with the internet.

Shocking, I know.

But if performing well at Eugene is truly important to me – and it is, believe me – I’m going to have to dive whole-heartedly back into the work of getting there. And not because someone or something is obligating me to, but because I want every ounce of glory possible crossing that finish line at Hayward Field.

And a race worth celebrating afterwards.

So really, gameface on. Let’s do these next 6 weeks.

Sarah OUaL

edit: I just re-read this and realize it’s a little, “wait, what??!” scorcesee-twisted at the end. I want to get better and work harder but will be easier on myself and will calm the fuck down about the world not ending because of running. That’s it the end.

post-script : life is fine, just normal growing-up problems. no need to call in a suicide watch.

post-post-script : yes, I cut my hair again. post (possibly) forthcoming.